Asexual Explorations Blog

True asexuals are somewhat rare, as many are peopl...

2012-05-13T23:04:34.258-05:00

True asexuals are somewhat rare, as many are people who have been hurt by boys and girls, and try to ignore what attractions they do have. I realized at 13 that I was asexual- before even my first kiss. I realized when my friend asked who would I like to see naked if it could be anyone and I told her "I'd really have to love someone to be willing to see them so vonirable." that (after some careful thinking) was when I realized I was more attracted to personalities And thought very little of physical appearances. That's what it all is: loving someone spiritually, and through that learning to accept sex from them. We much prefer to just cuddle or hug or hold each other when connecting with our partner.

In defense of those who have never tried it, their...

2012-04-26T18:19:35.518-05:00

In defense of those who have never tried it, their expectations of what it is like are probably so high after hearing how great it is for so long, that even the most talented partner couldn't possibly live up to them. Someone in their 30's, or dare I say it, 40's who has never had it will probably never be satisfied if/when they ever do get it. It will all seem like too much work for little reward. Lovemaking can go on for hours and be very exhausting and at the end the sensation you get from it is usually no better than what you get after a few minutes of masturbation. If it takes hours and actual hard physical work to get the same result, then what's the point? And that doesn't even bring emotional complications into it or the time, effort and expense that you have to put forth to make someone willing to jump into the sack with you. For many people, it's just not worth it.

So what does it make me if I am interested in sex,...

2012-02-09T15:54:46.078-06:00

So what does it make me if I am interested in sex, I am not in denial of the fact that I have a strong desire for sex, yet I find it difficult to act or talk or function in a sexual manner around another person?

Well that's too bad, but I'm happy to hear...

2012-01-14T21:33:11.872-06:00

Well that's too bad, but I'm happy to hear you got so many responses so quickly. Best of luck on your dissertation.

Yes, I closed it last night, but forgot to edited ...

2012-01-11T16:25:08.758-06:00

Yes, I closed it last night, but forgot to edited the post to indicate that.

Is this survey already over? I'd be happy to p...

2012-01-11T15:55:43.254-06:00

Is this survey already over? I'd be happy to participate, but when I click on the link it says it is already closed.

Well, how does someone know that they're strai...

2012-01-02T23:27:19.163-06:00

Well, how does someone know that they're straight/gay/bisexual without having sex? They just know

http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/blog/frances/conte...

2012-01-02T19:34:39.598-06:00

http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/blog/frances/content/article/10168/2006997

You can manage to get the article without logging in to the site. It should interest the owner of this blog.

I'm turning 17 in April. Is it possible that I...

2011-12-29T23:14:56.529-06:00

I'm turning 17 in April. Is it possible that I'm still a late bloomer? I know I'm hetero-romantic, I have known that since I was 10, and I want to grow up and get married, but if I'm asexual can I still do that? Perhaps I can marry someone else who is asexual and then only have sex for the purposes of having kids?

Actually, while the text curiously does not quote ...

2011-12-10T16:26:20.425-06:00

Actually, while the text curiously does not quote AVEN, the "asexy" title seems to imply the author has done some background reading apart from scientific studies.

I went and read the essay, and despite my usual confusion about fiction being picked apart like that, it wasn't too bad. As the title says, it's about asexuality vs. eroticism in this one book, and about previous failed attempts to make sense of a character.

Concerning that objective, it does its job remarkably well, I believe.

Bad points: not quoting the AVEN definition, thus making the asexy experience out to be less complex than it actually is.

Did anyone else who has read this find it extremel...

2011-12-06T10:35:25.005-06:00

Did anyone else who has read this find it extremely confusing? It was almost as if the author disliked the existing definitions and tried to create her own.

The title makes me quite afraid. I wonder if the a...

2011-12-06T04:38:19.199-06:00

The title makes me quite afraid. I wonder if the author knows that a quite undeniable minority of those who identify as asexual write erotic fiction?

(or even if the author is aware of asexuality as a sexual orientation)

This paper is excellent. Thank you.

2011-10-22T06:45:18.042-05:00

This paper is excellent. Thank you.

This article is very good. I'm a french asexua...

2011-10-19T02:49:11.495-05:00

This article is very good. I'm a french asexual activist and I thank you for that.

Hi, I have been asexual for a long time. However ...

2011-09-28T05:24:25.764-05:00

Hi, I have been asexual for a long time. However when I tell others they do not believe or they do not understand. I am pleased that there are others out there who believe that when I say and define myself as asexual they understand.

btw, I understand that there is much fear and disc...

2011-09-25T21:15:05.410-05:00

btw, I understand that there is much fear and discomfort of talking about pedophilia. I admire the fact that you were the only one who speak up after the b4uact conference.

"In terms of not knowing any asexual pedophil...

2011-09-25T20:15:12.996-05:00

"In terms of not knowing any asexual pedophiles, I realize that they're a minority within a (very stigmatized and therefore hidden) minority. But I know gay men in the asexual community (who identify as asexual or something close to asexual). So I guess my point is that very few asexual pedophiles hang out in asexual spaces (for understandable reasons), and so I don't know any (so far as I know)."

Very few or none... The problem is that society divides between "pedophiles" and "the rest of humanity". So an asexual pedophile wont be regarded as an asexual, like in heterosexual asexual or gay asexual. He will just be "a pedo".

"Many asexuals with 'romance drives' also have an orientation (they only fall for certain types of people). Some asexuals may decide only to form relationships with a certain type of person for some intellectual reason, or it could be a simple preference"

(http://www.asexuality.org/home/general.html#def3)

So yes, there can be asexual pedophiles, and there are, but I dont think your community will accept them anytime soon... I guess that for many asexual people its really comfortable to think themselves as completely separated from "the pedos" (the same thing can be said of any other group, including, ironically, pedophiles).

I'm aware of the issue of not getting accurate...

2011-09-25T11:34:41.194-05:00

I'm aware of the issue of not getting accurate portrayals of pedophiles in the media. In my research for my presentation at the B4U-ACT conference, I was trying to find all instances of people using MAP message boards to recruit research participants, and I was directed towards the case of the case of the reporter from a Texas newspaper attempting to write a sympathetic portrayal--and it not happening.

The reporting on the B4U-ACT symposium has really brought home the point for me. With a handful of exceptions, only the far right (who displayed an utter lack of concern for even trying to get facts straight) would even touch it. (To be fair, many more left-leaning people who did talk about it didn't really do a good job of getting their facts straight either, although their mistakes tended to be a lot less inflammatory.) I've talked to a couple people who admitted to being afraid of touching this issue. Basically, B4U-ACT doesn't have a hidden agenda. Their goal is to make compassionate mental health care available for MAPs, and (associated with this) try to promote the collection and dissemination of accurate information about this population. The purpose of the symposium was to get people from a wide range of perspectives to think seriously about the scientific and conceptual issues involved in the diagnosis of pedo(hebe)philia, and I think it did a very good job of doing this. It's hard to seriously object to this, so accurate portrayal of the symposium simply does not justify the fear-mongering rhetoric people want, but it's totally not cool in our society to say nice things about pedophiles.

In terms of not knowing any asexual pedophiles, I realize that they're a minority within a (very stigmatized and therefore hidden) minority. But I know gay men in the asexual community (who identify as asexual or something close to asexual). I know a number of transgender people in the asexual community. I often see people identifying as biromantic asexuals, and there is even a forum for asexual lesbians. So I guess my point is that very few asexual pedophiles hang out in asexual spaces (for understandable reasons), and so I don't know any (so far as I know).

" It doesn't surprise me at all that t...

2011-09-24T07:31:51.580-05:00

" It doesn't surprise me at all that there are asexual pedophiles--I've long suspected that there are although I don't know any (I've seen a handful of possible candidates [three] on AVEN, but none really stayed to long or talked about it more than once. I can think of two ways that it should be possible.
"

Its no surprise since they are a minority inside a minority. And worse, a minority that doesnt interest the mass media at all, so you will never hear about asexual pedophiles, or pedophiles at all, in the media. At least from a positive light, of course.

It doesn't surprise me at all that there are a...

2011-09-22T14:19:04.815-05:00

It doesn't surprise me at all that there are asexual pedophiles--I've long suspected that there are although I don't know any (I've seen a handful of possible candidates [three] on AVEN, but none really stayed to long or talked about it more than once. I can think of two ways that it should be possible.

The first concerns a commonly made distinction in asexual discourse between sexual and romantic orientations. In most people, these go together, but not always. Thus, there are hetero-, homo-, bi-, and aromantic asexuals (and some--including myself--who don't identify with any of these). I figure that it's likely that there are also pedoromantic (and heberomantic) asexuals out there.

The second way it should be possible for there to be asexual pedophiles involves cases of extremely low sex-drive. Depending on ones conceptualization of asexuality, such people may or may not be asexual. There are some people who think of "asexuality" as lumping together two groups: people with extremely low sex-drive and people with an undirected sex drive. In the presently dominant conceptualization, asexuals are people who don't experience sexual attraction, so someone who does experience sexual attraction (but not often, or only associated with extremely low libido) are not asexual, although they do fall under (some) conceptualizations of "Gray-A" (essentially, falling somewhere between sexual and asexual). It sounds like your friend falls into this category.

I'd like to get a chance to meet (online or offline) some asexual pedophiles, but they don't really hang out much in asexual spaces (or if they don't talk much about certain attractions). My suspicion is that such individuals would probably not feel comfortable in asexual spaces given the anti-pedophile prejudice we find (which is entirely tolerated by those running the site, although many other prejudices are not tolerated.) I suspect that they are likely to feel rather out of place in many online pedophile communities as well, given the frequency of locker-room style talk in some places (and the rather common discussion about "who do you think is hot?" that many asexuals abhor. Granted, I hear that many pedophiles hate these just as much--at least among teliophilic acquaintances.)

PD: People find the idea of an asexual pedophile c...

2011-09-21T21:45:02.970-05:00

PD: People find the idea of an asexual pedophile contradictory because they see pedophiles as "sex-driven", freaks, perverts, maniacs who only think about sex. The idea of an asexual pedophile is no more surprising than the idea of an asexual heterosexual or an asexual gay. You can still be attracted to children, but just rarely think about sex, and maybe your idea of a relationship might just be kissing and hugging.

I dont know much about asexuals, but I dont think there is much difference between a straight asexual and a pedophile asexual. Just the "object" of your attraction and your idea of a romantic relationship changes.

Believe it or not, I know an asexual pedophile. It...

2011-09-21T21:36:48.875-05:00

Believe it or not, I know an asexual pedophile. It's been one year since he last masturbated and he seldom (or never) thinks about sex. He still feels attracted to little girls, but more like like wanting to hug kiss or cuddle with one rather than anything more sexual. Sex is not an issue for him, he almost doesnt have any sexual fantasies.

It's about the same as the opinion of pedophil...

2011-09-21T20:57:48.573-05:00

It's about the same as the opinion of pedophiles in the rest of the Anglo-American world. There's a thread in AVEN's hotbox called I feel sorry for pedophiles that should give you a good idea.

There was a recent incident of someone wondering if they were "an asexual pedophile," that got so ugly that the thread was removed.

Whats the position, if there is any, of the asexua...

2011-09-21T20:22:56.105-05:00

Whats the position, if there is any, of the asexual community towards pedophiles? Im not talking about your own position, rather the position of asexuals in general.

When I was reading the paper, I had wondered if so...

2011-09-10T20:00:40.438-05:00

When I was reading the paper, I had wondered if something along those lines might be the case--for a lot of asexuals, the difficulties involved might not become as serious until maybe college age. (Also, this sample was heavily weighted towards the less than 16 group, a fact that would be especially relevant if such a hypothesis was correct.) On the other hand, a rather large part of AVENites are high-school aged.\

Still, I definitely agree that looking at similar issues in college populations would be something important for people to research in the future, and I wouldn't be at all surprised if things looked quite a bit different there.